How To Make A Dolphin Jump Using Your Vagina

5/31/14 I woke up angry and resentful that I awoke in pain AGAIN. Nearly 20 years of this - some days I struggle to find a reason to get up but usually something very basic drives me from bed. I need to pee. I have to admit there have been days I have considered just peeing the bed but I'm not so far gone to think through the consequences of that. Sometimes I do wait too long to get up and that results in a change of clothes. There are times when I wake up with the urge a little late and the insipid pain from the exertion of lying down to standing up results in a stress relief loss of urine (that's the medical term for it). During these last two years of major injuries and surgeries I have come to almost expect this to happen and when it doesn't I do kind of a pee pee happy dance in my head.

TMI Warning: Gross old lady info to follow-
Last year I underwent testing for pelvic floor prolapse. For those who don't know it is common for women who have previously given birth who are in or beyond menopause to start having stuff in our abdomens start trying to fall out. Bladder prolapse, uterine prolapse, rectal prolapse or if they are all trying to fall out at the same time they call it pelvic floor prolapse.

The reason this happens is that without estrogen our tissues and tendons thin out and become weaker. The stresses of previous pregnancies are then pronounced. And stuff tries to fall out. This can result in pain during sex, difficulty urinating or completely emptying the bladder and difficulty in bearing down during bowel movements. Or so I read.

Luckily for me I hadn't prolapsed but my bladder is oddly shaped and I have an old tear on my rectum muscle. I didn't know this - and I blame my high school Physiology teach Mr. Jaggi for this (what an opportunity lost to make a whole generation of Lyman, WY students giggle, cringe and squirm more than you did) - there is a large and substantial muscle surrounding the length of the rectum. Mine is about 2 inches wide all the way around and up and down, except for that tear which is a blank and missing section on the left side near the top about the size of my thumb.

It's a very old injury so the doctor didn't think repairing at this point would help much but seeing it there it made a lot of my lower back problems make sense and 'esplained' some things I'd been wondering about. Out loud at times to doctors but always dismissed. I had noticed a pattern of exacerbated pain about 12 hours prior to needing to poo. If I was trying to do something physical during that time it would result in a major event of pain and recovery. If not the pain would scream in and then leave a little later. It would be gone by the time the need to poo came so it was sort of a vague observation and connection.

So since I wasn't prolapsing but had the obvious weakness from the tear I began vajajay training. Funny thing too because I had always secretly taken great pride in how well trained and worked out my vajajay was but there I was with electrodes up in there with me trying to make the dolphin on the computer screen jump out of the water.

I have to admit that was one lazy ass, limp dolphin with my vajajay in the driver's seat. I live in Florida right now and I see dolphins a lot and my computer screen dolphin would not even be ALLOWED amongst those dolphins except maybe as one to laugh at.




I went through the whole training and never made him?/her? jump. It would just barely surface so at least it got to breathe. I left after six weeks feeling let down by my vajajay's lackluster show and then for the next six weeks angry because things seemed to be WORSE than before vajajay training. I even called and complained about this (ya wouldn't you have loved to be listening to THAT conversation?) and the vajajay training tech assured me that was common while my body figured out what to do with all the newly sparked nerve signal pathways. Because, oh yes! I remembered the doctor had told me my success/failure would depend on how and if nerve signaling could be improved.

And then!!! Six weeks later everything clicked and started working together and better. I even went so far as to take my pee pee happy dance verbal by commenting about it to my husband and my sister
 and maybe some other people who REALLY could have done without hearing about it EVER.

Kind of like you right now. Reaching the end of this post and thinking, asking, beseeching - did I REALLY need to know all of that?

And in the words of my daughter Kaycee Lalalalala STOP!! Lalalalala.

Peace be with you and all that jazz!!

Copyright. 2014- Chardale Irvine. All rights reserved. 

I Just Need To Lie Down Constant Mantra

Amazing descriptions and explanations and/or theories have emerged onto the ME/CFS landscape in this last year.  I am mostly jumping for joy and feeling relief and hope but sometimes, i do admit, I sit in anger and resentment that it took this long.  But that will be my own journey to grieve and figure out.

The one description/reason for the 18 year old mantra playing constantly in my head has been explained and thus validated.  I called it fatigue, never feeling comfortable with describing it as a message or mantra for fear it would push my mental illness diagnosis even further into an even more severe diagnosis.

"I just need to lie down" is a message that the vagus nerve sends the brain when we have an infection, virus or even some parasites.  It says "Hey brain we got something serious going on down here so our girl is going to have to lie down and rest so we have time and extra available energy to send in the immune system to fight it off.

So all these years of questioning myself, "Maybe I am lazy", maybe I am just chronically depressed because I couldn't get two steps away from the mantra, now have been put to bed.

That is a sick behavior drivn by the brain and immune system to get optimal conditions for repair.  Did all that heeding to the message actually help me? I'm not sure.  I just know it feels good to have a solid phsysiological explanation for that key component of my illness - maybe the most disabling feature of all.

So now, until a treatment or cure is developed for my illness and can be honoring and thanking my severely and unexlainably compomised non HIV immune system for continuing to try to work.  I commit to it and my sister Sherone that I will be working to honor it and not giving up hope.

It is called "neuropathological sick behavior' caused by an acute or subacute infection of the brain, spinal column or vagus nerve. Here is a link to a more comprehensive description: 

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/m/pubmed/12615196/

And here's an 8 min video clip of an attempt to do a day but ended up lying down again: 

Peace be with you and all that jazz!

Copyright 2013 (c) Chardale Irvine. All rights reserved.

CDC Stalling and Diverting Funds for ME/CFS Research

Dr Vincent Rocanilla is a colleague of Dr Ian Lipkin at Columbia University.

They have research ready to promote and no funding. They are crowdfunding to hasten accessibility to patients and doctors (and the evil pharma - keep an eye on how this plays out but first watch the movies: Dallas Buyers Club and Constant Gardner.

Please support Dr Lipken's research and send a strong message to politicians and pharma that we CAN go around them. Your financial support does that. Here's the link: 

http://www.microbediscovery.org/

Even as all this happens I fight to find a doctor who knows anything about my illness. The only doctor in Florida, Dr Nancy Klimas, at Nova Southeastern, doesn't accept my federal Blue Criss insurance, has a 200 person wait list And will cost me out of pocket up front between $1800 and $300 cold, hard cash that I don't have. Double that for my husband who also has the illness - onset 3 yrs ago.

Verified test results:

Low IGg immune system factor

High blood titers on all herpes viruses except one

Confirmed diagnosis of Disseminated Herpes Simplex 1 in my lungs from a bronchoscope 

4 sleep studies over 8 years that show zero stage 3 and 4 sleep - so no cell repair hormone HGH

Confirmed irregular heartbeat

Severe multiple chemical sensitivity

I have 100% of the recognized symptoms, the best insurance money can buy and yet I still don't have an officially recognized illness.

I have all this now and still have no diagnosis that is recognized by my doctors or insurance. Do you know in the US it is illegal to name an illness that doesn't have a drug to treat it?! Is that backwards?!

Bruno Irvine Hand Off To Bruno Mars via the song "Natalie"

From 2 weeks after my adorable, little 14 year old dog Bruno passed I have awakened every morning to the song 'Natalie' by Bruno Mars as my ear worm. Long before I knew the lyrics I would surface awake with NATALEEE screaming me awake. This is weird too because the ME/CFS coming awake period transition is usually this: "Holy Fuck I hurt. I'm too tired to wake up. What fuckin time is it cuz I feel like I haven't slept at all and that truck hit me again during the night." So having Bruno Mars singing 'Natalie' to accompany that - well let's just say it made it a lot easier to take. Here they are doing the live version which I can't get enough of.

I was only familiar with 3 of his songs and one performance at the Oscar's. But when I researched how this seemingly 'new' performer had skyrocketed to get in on the SuperBowl I found there was no skyrocket. This kid had been honing his craft since age 6 in Hawaii playing Elvis in his family's entertainment act.

And somehow this made it so that I could wake up every day and still think and say the name Bruno. The name that was as much a part of my life as breathing. No move made for 14 years without considering him. It was an intimate dance with a 100% committed tiny protector and healer. 

I don't want to minimize grief here at Bruno Mars' expense. His mother passed unexpectedly last year. She was just 3 years older than me and he is younger than my kids. I know how I felt when my mom passed and I had a lot more time with mine than he did and it was rough.

I think it makes his performances even more incredible to me. It's helped me immensely to see him giving back and really going all out in his performances. I've never been able to sing when I'm sad so it makes it even more amazing to me.

Truly I have old lady crushes on his whole brand when they do the little Natalie dance. One day I will be well enough to try to imitate that.

Here's a pic of the dudes at work...or is that play? I'm thinking play?

For now I spend several hours each morning humming or singing a hatcheted up rendition in my voice that can't come close to the notes or the body that hurts too much to do the moves.

Bruno dog I miss you beyond measure. The world seems less without you.

Bruno Mars I am SO sorry about the passing of your mom. That's one mountain of grief to set aside to perform. I hope it helps that you are truly making a positive influence out here. That effort means something. And the same goes for your bro and your sisters.  Your mama is proud of you guys.

Here's a video of my little dog Bruno playing with our cat Dave in our condo in Colorado prior to going on the road in the RV:

http://youtu.be/9LtlZEHNVf8

I miss our inter-species family but what an awesome ride it was. I will see you both on the Rainbow Bridge.

Peace be with you and all that jazz,,,,,

Chardale Irvine suffers from Myalgic Encephalomylitis commonly known as ME/CFS. She was struck down at the age of 35 with this illness which the US Government and Pharmaceuticals have minimized, trivialized and made a blatant move in 1990 to divert research funding, change case definitions from a physical illness to a psychosomatic mental illness and smear to ruin the reputations of any doctors or researchers who dared to pursue study or treatment.

To date it still is not recognized as a real illness, there are no specialists and treatment is not covered by insurance.

Please support Dr Ian Lipkin from Columbia University to promote his research so that treatment for ME/CFS can be mainstreamed. He is crowdfunding because there are no grants but he needs funds to promote it through trials. Every penny counts!!! 

http://www.microbediscovery.org/

If you wonder about the abuses that are imposed on people by pharma I suggest watching the movies 'Dallas Buyers Club' and 'Constant Gardner' in quick succession. You will be changed.

Thank you for your support.

Char

Of Seemingly Endless Grief - The Bruno Handoff

On December 7, 2013 my little dog Bruno passed on here in Florida while I was in Utah trying to help my son Adam find his feet again after the stress of having his daughter Cadence taken 10 months earlier. 

It was a difficult trip with a difficult goal that didn't play out quite the way we planned but in the end it got Adam back in play fighting the courts for his daughter.

I faced brutal criticism from my family while there and afterwards. Three people expressed their condolences. Otherwise there was silence. And the wash of guilt for not being there with Bruno in the end, after 14 years of his undying, hyperfocused attention and an energy field as big as a room. 

Bruno was a Yorkie-Pom-Hairless Chinese created. 

A Gypsy Girl: What Would I Say To Myself Age 1-5

Age 1:

Where was I? Orem, UT

Your mom and dad will always be sad that your brother Maury died of SIDS on March 6 at the age of 13 months when you were 6 weeks old. Hang on. With a bit of time they will be back on track. After you get your tonsils out next year you won't be sick nearly as much. You are tiny and frail now but you will grow to be strong and tall.

Age 2: 

Where was I? Provo, UT and Dutch John, UT (where my dad helped build the Flaming Gorge Dam)

See that little baby girl in the crib right there? She will be your closest and bestest friend forever and ever. You will save her from drowning when she's 3 and you will try to cut her leg off by throwing her in the river showing off for boys when she is in the 4th grade. When you're 53 she will still be your best friend and best ally. Her name is Sherone.

Age 3: 

Where was I: Not a clue

I got nothin' except get lots of rest because the next few years you're going to get yourself in lots of painful pickles.

Age 4: 

Where was I? Payson, UT 

Don't run in front of a bike while someone is riding. When they run you over it will hurt like hell even if your brother gets a whooping. Don't stand near anyone swinging a sickle (sling blade - is there a reason that's one of my favorite movies?) cutting weeds because it will leave a painful gash and big lifetime scar when they hit you in the leg even if your brother gets a whooping for hitting you. Sadly not every landlord will give you Lifesavers when he comes to collect the rent. You will not live in that spider infested house much longer. Your constant nosebleeds will soon stop. That roseola virus you have this year is coming back to haunt you at age 35 and on by setting the stage for you to get ME/CFS. You won't be a morning person ever again after this year. You'll also never 'have' to nap again.

Age 5:

Where was I? Linden, UT and Modesto, CA

If you melt the toes of your snow boots in the campfire trying to warm your feet you won't get new boots. Your brother will never trust you after the third strike of running the iron up his arm. Sherone will save you from your first whooping by getting blamed for exploding the lightbulbs from spitting on them.

You will never find another kid like Julie who likes to perpetually spin on the monkey bar as much as you do. There is not one other person in the world who will ever beat your 100 spins in a row record or sport that awesome callous on the back of your right knee like that.

That batmobile in Modesto was probably NOT the real batmobile. 

You will someday love and crave those dreadful avocados. 

Someday wearing that Autumn Leaf Girl costume that your mom made will be a fond memory.

Sorry to say it but this will be the funniest Christmas ever. 


My sister Sherone Taylor blogs about the beauty and basics of life at www.annapearlsattic.blogspot.com

Kim's Upset Tummy Remedy

Funny story here: our dog walker in New Smyrna Beach, Kim recommended this for our dog Bruno after he had a run in with a heart worm med that messed him up. He had diarrhea for too long. He hated this but Walt and I fell in love with it for desserts or snacks or...when our own tummies or guys are acting up. 

And it tastes yummy too!

1 cup plain yogurt with active cultures

3 cloves chopped garlic 

2 tablespoons coconut oil, grapeseed oil or olive oil

1 tsp real vanilla

Raw honey to taste

Add yogurt and vanilla to a large soup sized bowl.

Sauté the garlic in the oil over medium heat stirring til it just starts turning brown. Scoop garlic into yogurt mixture to cool it and stop it from cooking anymore. Stir well and add honey to taste. Serve immediately.