The story of why and how I married my husband is fun, well maybe funny, or strange, either way it happened long, long ago - well, 10 years ago - in Las Vegas, Nevada at 11:25 at night, the day after Christmas in 2002. We decided to get married on the drive from Richfield on our way to Mesquite, Nevada for a little golf junket. I think he asked me near Beaver, Utah...no, don't jump to conclusions! I said, "Sure, why not?". We stopped in St. George, Utah and bought wedding rings - it was Sunday, I think and not many stores were open. A helpful police officer pointed us to a store in the mall.
That story might be another post but it was on the drive back to my place in Richfield that the "constant source of entertainment" was set into motion. You see, somehow Walt had conned me into not doing the hanky panky thing prior to getting married. I'm not sure why I agreed to that other than that it was a new and novel experience for me to try. So I probably thought..."Hey, what the heck?"
So we go to Vegas. Get married. Drive back to Mesquite that night to stay in our crappy motel, too exhausted to move. But the next night....well, let's just say we consummated the marriage at the Barbary Coast...which is no longer in existence. We had a lovely room and made good use of it.
So then we are driving back to Richfield, giddy with excitement and kinda I'm sure wondering "What the hell did we just do?" In fact, I remember we stopped to eat poison food at Sonic in St. Geroge and I had that EXACT thought.
We get back on the road and just a few bites into the hamburger Walt turns to me and says - and I quote: "Honey, last night you made my eyes sore".
It was dead silent as all the air got sucked out of the car - as I slowly, much too slowly, processed what my new husband had just said. Much like how I have to do mental gymnastics to remember which side of the Rocky Mountains I'm on for directions (East I'm on the Wasatch Front, West I'm in Denver, all around me I'm in Richfield), or what is of the plant that grows on trees in Florida (in Colorado we had mistletoe and in Florida they have M.....(Mistletoe, no its that country that Walt didn't live in but my brother did....Oh yeah! Spain) Spanish Moss.
And BAM!! I figured out that what he was trying to say was "Honey, last night you were a sight for sore eyes". (If anyone sees a similarity to some of George W. Bush's comment...well, yeah...that's my life). So I say...."I think you meant to say...Blah". And he gets big eyes and stammers and I started laughing hysterically. And I kept laughing for 137 more miles, hysterically but off and on.
These kind of twisted commentary were frequent for years but that last couple...well things have been freaking HARD for us due to both of our health challenges so not much laughing has been going on. But today...he was back in rare form.
I was complaining about how little I get done now and just expressing my frustration about my loss of efficiency and focus (due to the ME/CFIDS/Fibro and the blasted knee injury) and my dear, dear husband says to me - and I quote:
"Honey, for the last three days your body has been revolting."
Yep.
Due to practice I process these tangled comments faster and I said - and I quote (while laughing so hard I'm almost passing out): "Uh...I think you meant to say "Honey, for the last three days your body has been in revolt"?
And he says "No, I said it right? For uh the last three days uh your body has been uh revolting." Long pause as he watches me gasping for air because I'm laughing so hard. "And I STILL said it wrong didn't I? Damn Autocorrect!"
Yep.
He is now though at 47 brownie points. Prior to that he had 50, for the first time in our marriage he's over 3 points. He went to 50 points a few days ago because I got to watch Lionel Ritchie's show TWICE (many thanks to DeeDra Sullivan for that tip). He lost three for the George W. imitation but still has some points to burn...which I promise he will. I'll let ya know on that.
That story might be another post but it was on the drive back to my place in Richfield that the "constant source of entertainment" was set into motion. You see, somehow Walt had conned me into not doing the hanky panky thing prior to getting married. I'm not sure why I agreed to that other than that it was a new and novel experience for me to try. So I probably thought..."Hey, what the heck?"
So we go to Vegas. Get married. Drive back to Mesquite that night to stay in our crappy motel, too exhausted to move. But the next night....well, let's just say we consummated the marriage at the Barbary Coast...which is no longer in existence. We had a lovely room and made good use of it.
So then we are driving back to Richfield, giddy with excitement and kinda I'm sure wondering "What the hell did we just do?" In fact, I remember we stopped to eat poison food at Sonic in St. Geroge and I had that EXACT thought.
We get back on the road and just a few bites into the hamburger Walt turns to me and says - and I quote: "Honey, last night you made my eyes sore".
It was dead silent as all the air got sucked out of the car - as I slowly, much too slowly, processed what my new husband had just said. Much like how I have to do mental gymnastics to remember which side of the Rocky Mountains I'm on for directions (East I'm on the Wasatch Front, West I'm in Denver, all around me I'm in Richfield), or what is of the plant that grows on trees in Florida (in Colorado we had mistletoe and in Florida they have M.....(Mistletoe, no its that country that Walt didn't live in but my brother did....Oh yeah! Spain) Spanish Moss.
And BAM!! I figured out that what he was trying to say was "Honey, last night you were a sight for sore eyes". (If anyone sees a similarity to some of George W. Bush's comment...well, yeah...that's my life). So I say...."I think you meant to say...Blah". And he gets big eyes and stammers and I started laughing hysterically. And I kept laughing for 137 more miles, hysterically but off and on.
These kind of twisted commentary were frequent for years but that last couple...well things have been freaking HARD for us due to both of our health challenges so not much laughing has been going on. But today...he was back in rare form.
I was complaining about how little I get done now and just expressing my frustration about my loss of efficiency and focus (due to the ME/CFIDS/Fibro and the blasted knee injury) and my dear, dear husband says to me - and I quote:
"Honey, for the last three days your body has been revolting."
Yep.
Due to practice I process these tangled comments faster and I said - and I quote (while laughing so hard I'm almost passing out): "Uh...I think you meant to say "Honey, for the last three days your body has been in revolt"?
And he says "No, I said it right? For uh the last three days uh your body has been uh revolting." Long pause as he watches me gasping for air because I'm laughing so hard. "And I STILL said it wrong didn't I? Damn Autocorrect!"
Yep.
He is now though at 47 brownie points. Prior to that he had 50, for the first time in our marriage he's over 3 points. He went to 50 points a few days ago because I got to watch Lionel Ritchie's show TWICE (many thanks to DeeDra Sullivan for that tip). He lost three for the George W. imitation but still has some points to burn...which I promise he will. I'll let ya know on that.
I think most of our family have that "try to get you to figure out the three things I'm saying at the same time, just to see if you can" humor. Some are better than others but I feel that it's all just practice for family get togethers. He has always been able to make Amanda and I laugh until we cried, couldn't breath and were bright red in the face. I can honestly say it is the most endearing quality he has and what I picture when I think about him. I miss you guys and hope to be able to bring some of my laughter down soon. Good post. I don't have a lot of info about my parents personal lives and what I do have is disjointed. Thank you for giving me another piece of the puzzle ;)
ReplyDeleteThank you son for that wonderful post about me. I too feel the same about you and your humor....."It sucks to be a cow" is one comment from you that will always make me laugh inside. I'm looking forward to seeing you when you make it down to Florida.
DeleteOh and Z we use 'it sucks to be a cow' all the time. There are ALOT of cows in America.
DeleteAh Wally! Your response was SO sweet:) I do notice a family trend in this arena. The Dotson kids do this though it usually starts with potty humor. The thing that is endearing about your dad is he's funniest when he's trying to be supportive. SO many people say the wrong thing when people need support and when you look behind it - it's not pretty. Your dad says the wrong thing but when you look behind it - it has the purest motive of love. Your comment is SUCH a great Father's Day gift to your dad.
ReplyDeleteWe can't wait for you to come and visit!!
Love, Chae