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Sunday, December 29, 2013

A testament to a friend - A Parable About a Giant

Passing through China one day with a friend of mine I met along the way. He is a giant, I guess that’s fair to say.  The load of life that is mine to bear, he took from me, the heavy part always with an open heart.  Giants they say, often act this way, even on days that are bleak and gray. He smiles that big toothy giant grin, even with the load I’ve given him, he never shirks or complains.

 


 Giants they say always act this way, they have no choice, because their hearts are pure in trust, and love.  So each day they practice their Giants Creed, to lend a hand if you can, to those of us they find along the way.  Even if we are small and they are Giants, the lesson he teaches for us to follow, while the Giant precedes down the path with the load I’ve given him to carry. It’s more than half that should be mine.



 In the formation of a Giant’s mind, you have to attend Giant High, in a mountain valley town.  To learn the lessons that are taught – to stand your ground, with your toes to the very edge as if hanging there above the precipice below.  Just you and your big, black friend, must stand guard at the gate, and protect the Jewel within.  You must challenge that horrible ogre that passes by.  Even if your friend is 10 times your size, it is your voice that they hear as you shout without fear.



 And now my little friend, I hope you have noticed that it was always I that led the way wherever we went throughout the day, so you might follow feeling safe and warm.  I stayed with you longer than I should have, making your stands sure and good.  So I take my Giant Crown of Silver Crested Hair, to leave you I must go before, to take my place in the Giants’ land, as only we can understand.



 So now with open arms, you must accept the serf’s load that is theirs, as I have always done.  Always to take that awesome position, to always be willing to take a stand, and lead the way to another land.  I must proceed to clear the way.  My Jewel, you will follow soon, someday.  Remember the days we spent laughing as friends, always we went to the next great event that was ours, to the fun things in life.
 
 

 So now my little friend, I give to you, for awhile that last big Giant’s grin.  Once again I’ve taken the yoke, to clear for you, the path to the land where pain has passed, never to return again.  So when you come you can be sure that I and my big black giant friend, will be standing there, to guide you within.

 You must stand as I have always shown you, with chest pushed out and topknot flowing in the air.  The bravest thing the world has ever seen, has left to go beyond the screen. Goodbye my little friend, look for me there when you get within.

 Your teaching friend,

The GIANT, BRUNO                                               (It has to be awfully easy for a dog to get into heaven)

 By Robert Gary Dotson – December 2013
 
                                  In memory of Bruno Irvine - the Yorkie/Pom/Hairless Chinese Crested
                                                       Born:  January 20, 2000
                                                       Passed December 7, 2013
 
Copyright (c) 2013 - Chardale Irvine.  All rights reserved.

Tuesday, December 3, 2013

My Constant Source of Entertainment Is Now Only A Periodic Source of Entertainment

The story of why and how I married my husband is fun, well maybe funny, or strange, either way it happened long, long ago - well, 10 years ago - in Las Vegas, Nevada at 11:25 at night, the day after Christmas in 2002.  We decided to get married on the drive from Richfield on our way to Mesquite, Nevada for a little golf junket. I think he asked me near Beaver, Utah...no, don't jump to conclusions! I said, "Sure, why not?".  We stopped in St. George, Utah and bought wedding rings - it was Sunday, I think and not many stores were open.  A helpful police officer pointed us to a store in the mall. 

That story might be another post but it was on the drive back to my place in Richfield that the "constant source of entertainment"  was set into motion.  You see, somehow Walt had conned me into not doing the hanky panky thing prior to getting married.  I'm not sure why I agreed to that other than that it was a new and novel experience for me to try. So I probably thought..."Hey, what the heck?"

So we go to Vegas.  Get married.  Drive back to Mesquite that night to stay in our crappy motel, too exhausted to move. But the next night....well, let's just say we consummated the marriage at the Barbary Coast...which is no longer in existence.  We had a lovely room and made good use of it.

So then we are driving back to Richfield, giddy with excitement and kinda I'm sure wondering "What the hell did we just do?" In fact, I remember we stopped to eat poison food at Sonic in St. Geroge and I had that EXACT thought.

We get back on the road and just a few bites into the hamburger Walt turns to me and says - and I quote: "Honey, last night you made my eyes sore".

It was dead silent as all the air got sucked out of the car - as I slowly, much too slowly, processed what my new husband had just said.  Much like how I have to do mental gymnastics to remember which side of the Rocky Mountains I'm on for directions (East I'm on the Wasatch Front, West I'm in Denver, all around me I'm in Richfield), or what is of the plant that grows on trees in Florida (in Colorado we had mistletoe and in Florida they have M.....(Mistletoe, no its that country that Walt didn't live in but my brother did....Oh yeah! Spain) Spanish Moss.

And BAM!! I figured out that what he was trying to say was "Honey, last night you were a sight for sore eyes".  (If anyone sees a similarity to some of George W. Bush's comment...well, yeah...that's my life). So I say...."I think you meant to say...Blah".  And he gets big eyes and stammers and I started laughing hysterically.  And I kept laughing for 137 more miles, hysterically but off and on.

These kind of twisted commentary were frequent for years but that last couple...well things have been freaking HARD for us due to both of our health challenges so not much laughing has been going on.  But today...he was back in rare form. 

I was complaining about how little I get done now and just expressing my frustration about my loss of efficiency and focus (due to the ME/CFIDS/Fibro and the blasted knee injury) and my dear, dear husband says to me - and I quote:

"Honey, for the last three days your body has been revolting."

Yep.

Due to practice I process these tangled comments faster and I said - and I quote (while laughing so hard I'm almost passing out):  "Uh...I think you meant to say "Honey, for the last three days your body has been in revolt"?

And he says "No, I said it right? For uh the last three days uh your body has been uh revolting."  Long pause as he watches me gasping for air because I'm laughing so hard.  "And I STILL said it wrong didn't I? Damn Autocorrect!"

Yep.

He is now though at 47 brownie points.  Prior to that he had 50, for the first time in our marriage he's over 3 points.  He went to 50 points a few days ago because I got to watch Lionel Ritchie's show TWICE (many thanks to DeeDra Sullivan for that tip).  He lost three for the George W. imitation but still has some points to burn...which I promise he will.  I'll let ya know on that.




Saturday, November 30, 2013

A Parable

 It is not okay to say "perhaps you should give up the fight til she's 18" when there are still legal options available to get the child back.  Whenever you are tempted to say it stop. Ask yourself if right this minute someone said that about your kid, you know the one you fixed breakfast for and sent off to pre-school? If this kid was not allowed to come home by the government or school or anyone for that matter....if you heard that would your instinct be to wait until they were 18 to see the again.

It's not okay to say "you should stop hyper-focusing on the missing child because your child who is with you is suffering" unless you and those around you have done everything you can to be there and take care of this child that is there to allow the parent(s) to focus on finding the child..

It's not okay to say "maybe you should give up the fight" because you can't afford it" unless a large group of his or her support system is adding to the infrastructure that allows a parent to fight these arduous battles.

Because if your advice is taken we will look in the mirror every day and whip ourselves for letting the corrupt bastards take our child and grandchild. A child will grow up and when looking back will see that there was no fight for her.

Monday, October 28, 2013

How To Make An Amend

Do you know what the pic below represents? Two guys who made a mistake and went the extra mile to make it right. 

The sea shell I got from my grandson Shane when we went out geocaching while he and his dad Adam Mackley were visiting us in Colorado. When he'd come to visit after that he would always want to play with it. One time he kneeled on it and crushed it. After he'd left to go home I found it on top of the TV carefully taped back together. I think he was 8 when he did that. It made me cry. And I have guarded it protectively ever since. 

The tyvek envelope was what one of Mary Jane's Farm Girls sent the sheet in for a project. It was a semi anonymous gift.  I had the envelope by my chair so I could get the address off it to send a thank you card.  Walt, in a weird fit of throwing away ONE thing out of the 85,000 possible other choices, threw it away without asking or telling me. We had a tiff. But when he came back home he went through the very stinky trash and got it out for me. He then texted me the address. 

The shell will never be untaped and the tiff can't be erased but the underlying love these two sweet and loving souls showed by these efforts locked another notch deep in my heart. How do i deserve to be loved this much? And I have much to learn from both of them.

Peace be with you and all that jazz.,,


Thursday, October 17, 2013

Please God I need a jacuzzi

Even though my energy is out there advocating for my son #NavyVetDad Adam Mackley to get his daughter back I still am at home in Florida struggling to deal with mine and my husband's serious health issues. Today is a pain day. For no obvious reason I woke up after a good night of sleep with level 8 pain throughout my body.

I've puttered around for an hour trying to give me body a chance to let go of it but it is going to take some divine intervention to get past it. If I had or had access to a hot tub I could get past it in 10 minutes. That brought me to post this prayer on Facebook:


https://www.facebook.com/chardale.dotsonirvine/posts/10200608179838997:1

Which explains why I'm posting this pic:




Wednesday, October 16, 2013

Behind The Veil: The Romney Connection

I will leave this for you to judge: Do you think the fact that Cadance's maternal great aunt is married to a Romney has influenced any of the illogical behavior of the 4th District Courts? Vernon Romney was a former prosecutor and a judge until his recent passing in July 2013 in the same county that her Cadance's mom's well to do family is funding an attempt to steal Adam Mackley's paternity rights and grant them to Colton Barney even though he has a signed release of paternity interests on file with the State of Utah. By February of the next year another Romney has been appointed to the bench after 'competing' with 35 other applicants. Cadance's maternal grandfather is a nephew to the recently deceased Vernon Romney.

Much goes on behind the veil in Utah. Is it a factor? Do our constitutional rights have a chance against it? Do we have a chance against big money and big influence? Is Family law the Hunger Games in Utah and #NavyVetDad Adam Mackley the Catniss Eberdeen of dad's?

Our family is not related to the Romney's. Cadance's great great grandfather William Isaac Griffiths was baptized into the LDS Church in 1907 near Pontypool Wales. He was baptized outside in the hills in a warm pond above the coal mines. He emigrated to Utah when he was 23 after working years in the coal mines in Wales. He married Anna Pearl Froisland, the daughter of Norwegian emigrant converts,  when he was 27. They were humble servants of The Lord until their last days as Temple Workers. In addition to her dad being in Utah she is related to countless Griffiths, Froisland, Mackley, Dotson's and Taylor's in Utah and Wyoming.

We miss you and love you Cadance. We are hoping to get to see you on your birthday! Clap your hands if you believe.

The Cadance Card Crusade continues! Join us by sending 4 cards to 4 addresses. Here's the link: http://tinyurl.com/ny8wez4

Love Grandma Char

Peace be with you and all that jazz!!

Copyright (c) Chardale Irvine 2013. All rights reserved.




Sunday, October 13, 2013

Commissioner Thomas Patton in Provo Utah is a kidnapper and revels in Pain and Suffering

My Granddaughter has been kidnapped by the State of Utah.

Update: Wednesday, November 22 the ruling was signed that denied my son paternity rights.  On Wednesday, November 26th the paternity case was dismissed and the previous temporary orders were voided.  These were the orders that allowed Adam to have visitation with his daughter for the first 14 months of her life. Then they all went home and had turkey dinner with their families. It has now been over 10 months since we last saw Cadence.  The abuses of the Court have taken their toll on Adam, stretching his coping mechanisms to the breaking point.

We have not seen her for over 6 months and when we try to check on her we are accused of harassment or stalking.  This is not a case of unfit parenting. It is not a case of an unhappy divorce.  It IS a case of the government STILL thinking it has the right to choose who parents our children. God chooses who the parents of our children are.  He does a quite fine job at it too and now we have the science of DNA tests to verify for anyone who might question God's work.

And Judge Lynn Davis is trying to seal the deal.At.All.Costs.  And they have NO actual legal right to do so because of the fact that legally binding paternity documents were ALREADY on file with the State of Utah.  **Note:  As of 10/22 Judge Lynn Davis recused himself from this case two weeks ago.  Commissioner Thomas Patton is still attached as far as we know.

They are trying to pull off a "legal", State sanctioned kidnapping by "giving" my granddaughter Cadence Belle Barney, to the man who is married to Cadence's mother, EVEN though this husband signed and filed a voluntary release of paternity which was part two of a State issued Voluntary Declaration of Paternity which was signed by both Adrienne Barney (Cadence's biological mother) and by my son, Adam Christopher Mackley (Cadence's biological father).  This form was filed with Cadence's birth certificate when it was filed with the State.

My son "NavyVetDad"Adam Christopher Mackley's name is on that birth certificate as her father.  He has DNA proof he is Cadence's father.  He has 13 1/2 months of parenting time with this little girl. And at this very moment their are stipulated custody agreements on file with the 4th District Court recognizing Adam as Cadence's father and acknowleging his rights as her parent.  These are signed by both Commisioner Patton and Judge Davis.

And yet the 4th District Court located in Provo, Utah guided the mother's attorney, unsolicited and on the record, of how exactly to refile her case so that Adam would not even be considered as Cadence's father.  Because of Thomas Patton's guidance to opposing counsel Adam has not seen his daughter for over 6 months. She was 14 months when he last saw her and she turns 2 in a few weeks - that is a full quarter of her entire life at this moment.  Any efforts he or I have made to check on her well-being are met with retaliatory protective orders or stalking orders and/or the threat of such.

Here is the court transcript of the hearing that irrevocably changed the course of the intent of custody proceedings and led to the kidnapping of Cadence:
One of the last pics Adam has with Cadence.  They were riding the train from Provo to Ogden to meet up with Cadence's stepmom MaryAnne Ellis Mackley.

Adam said I actually captioned this incorrectly. He had held her prior to this pic as well.This was the first visitation.







Adam Mackley
Adam Mackley4:48am Oct 9
1. Adam Mackley’s and Adrienne Openshaw’s child, Cadence Belle Barney, was born on October 31, 2011.
2. Adam Mackley is the biological father of Cadence Belle Barney pursuant to genetic testing completed in November 2011.
3. Adrienne Barney and Adam Mackley signed a stipulated order on December 12, 2011 and December 13, 2011, respectively. That Stipulated Ordered declared that Adam Mackley was the father of Cadence and should have all the rights and responsibilities of such a relationship. That Order was entered by the Fourth District Court of Utah County on January 24, 2012, with the signatures of both Judge Lynn Davis and Commissioner Thomas Patton.
4. On December 13, 2012, Adam Mackley and Adrienne Barney, along with her counsel, Lorie Fowlke, attended a pretrial conference before Commissioner Thomas Patton to certify any remaining issues for trial.
5. At that hearing on December 13, 2012, without prompting or request of any party, Commissioner Thomas Patton, provided legal advice to Ms. Barney’s counsel by stating the following at approximately 5:50 into the hearing:
Patton:Is your client still married, Ms. Fowlke?
Fowlke:Yes, this is her, her husband is here.
Patton:Is he claiming. . .
Fowlke:No.
Patton:Well, your client’s answer is “I don’t acknowledge that he’s the father.
Fowlke:Well, we’re past that.
Mackley:The DNA test is proof that. .
Fowlke:They did a DNA test. .
Patton:A DNA test doesn’t mean anything, there’s a . .
Fowlke:Presumption. .
Patton:No. There’s an appellate court decision in the state of Utah that says it doesn’t make any difference if you claim you’re the father. It doesn’t make any difference if the DNA test says that you’re the father. It says if the husband wants to be dad, he’s dad. So I’m not so sure we don’t have to join an indispensable party.
Fowlke:Maybe we’ll both be amending our petition then.
Patton:In fact, it was out of MY court. The reason I know. Mr. Wilkinson took me up. I said, they came in, and basically everybody acknowledged this person has been having visitation, et cetera. I ordered a paternity test and they took it up and they said Nope, married, baby born during the marriage, don’t have to acknowledge a third party father. And I’m really summarizing it for both of you.
Mackley:I understand.
Fowlke:Well, we may be moving to amend then.
Patton:Mr Wilkinson took it straight up and he got a ruling on it.
Fowlke:I’d understood under the Uniform Parentage Act that if a claim was filed within 300 days of the birth, that rebutted the presumption.
Patton:Well, counsel, I’m assuming you would have ruled as I had ruled. But, uh. .
Fowlke:Yep, but a lot better to look up the case.
Patton:Somebody told me different.
Fowlke:Well, in that case, we may do a motion for summary judgment before we get to trial.
Patton:Well, that being the case, maybe we are premature on our pretrial.

6. The pretrial hearing was rescheduled for February 7, 2013.


It is routine for the Utah Family Law courts to steal babies from their  unmarried dads.  This is how the Appelate Court has chosen to interpret legislation that has language that puts the biological father just barely above the "presumed" father.  They also routinely sanction illegal adoptions and tie up fathers in court for years trying to get custody of their children who were given away to strangers even when the single father provides documentation that shows interest in raising the child.








Yes Adrienne Barney got pregnant while still married to her current husband Colton Barney.  She did so under fraudulent terms.  She lied and said she had filed divorce papers and that she was living with her mom.  And then she lied to Colton and told him baby was his.  When Adam informed Colton that there was a high chance that the baby was his she repeatedly threatended to give the child up for adoption forcing Adam to files notices of paternity early with the courts prior to Cadence's birth.  Had he not done this, under Utah law she could have given the baby up for adoption and he would have had no chance to have custody.  Adrienne chose to keep Cadence (for which we are very grateful). Adrienne has now continued to let her attorney lie for her to make up this story that Colton is her dad.  The lies pile up from Adrienne, Colton, their attorney's and then rolled out on the red carpet by the 4th District Court Family Law system.  The level of deceit is scary.  These are the people who have my granddaughter - with no oversight, no counterbalance to lies and secrets. 
We are not trying to take Cadence away from her mom.  We are trying to give Cadence back her dad.  Her dad Navy Veteran Adam Christopher Mackley DOES NOT ACCEPT the State of Utah's "position" that the husband of the mother always gets the kid.  Cadence's grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins don't accept that either.  This kid is OUR kid too.  And we will not stop fighting to have her back in our lives.
We are having a Card Crusade for Cadence to flood these biased, unethical and frankly criminal people with cards that show that what they are doing is not recognized by anyone with ANY sense of what is right and good for a child.  These are the people in charge of making permanent custody arrangements for children.  They DO NOT act in the best interest of the children nor do they honor biological father's God-given and constituional rights to raise their children. 4 cards to 4 addresses:  Here is the link to the addresses:
She turns 2 on Halloween so don't delay!!  Let's pile the cards up in these people's offices - The Judge Lynn Davis, The Commissioner Thomas Patton and, The Attorney Lorie Fowlke and of course Cadence's dad Adam Christopher Mackley - so that when she comes home he can read them all to her.
Say no to kidnapping.
Please pray for Cadence.  We have not been allowed to check on her well-being without threat of charges.  We are still fighting to get her back but we don't have money to pay an attorney so Adam is having to fight this battle Pro Se.  He had one attorney who did not do a good job.  Cards, prayers - it all goes a long way to helping Adam know he's not alone on the path and sending a message to some people who act like the cat who ate the canary.  Now it will be the Commissioner who arranged the kidnapping and the Judge who sanctioned and signed off on it.  Your cards can move mountains with love.
We love and miss you Cadence.  Our dream is to be able to celebrate your birthday with you in a few weeks but no matter what we won't give up.
Love Grandma Char and Grandpa Walt.

Sunday, October 6, 2013

Update! Cadence Card Crusade Still Needs You!!

10/22/2014- Update and news flash! Sadly we are approaching another birthday without Cadance. She will be turning 3 on 10/31/2014. Yep, her birthday is on Halloween. Please help us let her know that we love her and can't wait to see her again. It's now been over a year and a half since she's seen her daddy Adam Mackley. The case is being prepared for the Utah Supreme Court. Please join our Facebook page: Cadence's Turn

And get details of Adam's progress with the corrupt Utah court system at

Givecadenceavoice.info

Adam can use your support and prayers. 

/22/2013 Update and News Flash:  Just 1 week until Cadence turns 2 on Halloween!!!  When you're out buying candy and costumes for those little ghosts and goblins, pick up 4 birthday cards and drop them in the mail.

Can we move mountains with love? YES WE CAN!  And we ARE! I'm hearing gentle rumblings from all over the country and even a few places around the world that tell me the Cadence Card Crusade is steamrolling its way into the lives of some rather inhumane Court Officers.  Keep reading to find out why we are sending cards and where to send them.......  And this is turning into a Crusade for more than just Cadence....the big tree of family law in Utah is shaking at its roots, with Judges recusing themselves, Commissioners forced into resignation and/or recusal, skyrocketing requests for judicial court reviews and Bar reviews.  Every little bit helps!!

October is a busy birthday month for Grandma Char.  We had Maverick (Matt and Kelsey's son) turning 1 on the 1st, Shane (Adam's son) turning 12 today, the 6th, their Uncle Wally's bday is the 30th and Cadence's 2nd birthday is on the 31st - Halloween.  Help me wish ALL these amazing people in my tribe a BIG happy birthday!

Here's your mission if you choose to accept it:

Cadence will be turning 2 on Halloween this year (2013). We have not been allowed to see her since March 2013 but her biological dad Adam Mackley fights on. The stress and grief are daunting. Cadence's bio mom, stepdad, their well funded attorneys and the the biased circuit court judge and commissioner would prefer for Adam and Cadence's paternal extended family to disappear but we won't do that. Our prayer ALWAYS is that she's safe and loved and that her mom's heart will soften to realize Cadence needs her biological dad too, the man Cadence knew as Daddy from age 6 weeks to 14 months - when she was abruptly stripped from her father's life.

*That is our VISION.
*That is our HOPE.
*That is WHYwe keep fighting to get her back to having a relationship with her dad.

Cadence's Card Crusade:  4 cards. 4 addresses = a paradigm shift to get kids their dads.

Our GOAL is to affect a pardigm shift with LOVE.  LOVE will bring the seedy, biased, abusive court behavior out into the open.  LOVE shows everyone involved that the rights of both parents need equal weight in our society at all times.  LOVE and a gentle touch show Cadence and so many other kids like her that we won't stand idly by and let ANYONE steal her rightful heritage from her.

At this moment it doesn't appear that we will be able to throw her a birthday party with her dad.  So I decided to initiate a birthday card campaign with cards going to her mom's attorney Lorie Fowlke, the Judge Lynn Davis, one to a Utah Newspaper - the Ogden Standard Examiner and one to her dad Adam Mackley, just so he knows he's not alone on the difficult journey. Cadence will at least get the cards from her dad when he can finally see her. 

Below are the addresses to send the 4 cards to.   Please send age appropriate birthday cards for a 2 year old girl with no comments other than loving birthday messages to Cadence and sign your name and write in your relationship to her whether its family or family friend or equal parenting rights advocate. You don't have to write your last name if you'd feel more comfortable - just your first name and last initial are fine...also maybe what state and/or country you are from).  My vision is big bags of cards piling into these places - kinda like letters to Santa Claus. Imagine!!! IMAGINE!!! And please share and forward to everyone you know.  Together we can DO this!

Address for Cadence's mom's attorney:
Miss Cadence Belle Barney
C/O Lorie Fowlke
2696 N University Ave #220
Provo, UT 84604

Address for the Presiding Judge:
(Please be advised if you send this card you will be notified that you are improperly trying to communicate with a judge and thus influence a decision)

Miss Cadence Belle Barney
4th District Court - Utah County/Provo District
125 N 100 W
Provo, Utah 84601

Address for the local newspaper covering the case:
Miss Cadance Belle Barney
C/O Editor - Ogden Standard Examiner
332 Standard Way
Ogden, UT 84412

And for the 4th card - the final and coolest one:

Please send a card for her to Adam, so he sees how many people are watching and praying for him and Cadence.  And to help us continue some grandparents birthday card traditions:

Miss Cadence Belle Barney
C/O Her Dad Adam Mackley
PO Box 13926
Ogden, UT 84412

In this card please tape 4 quarters to the inside of the card (in loving memory of a tradition that Cadance's Great Great Grandparents William Isaac Griffiths and Anna Pearl Froisland Griffiths created to recognize the birthdays of their many, many grandkids.  Even on a fixed income they never, ever forgot their grandkids' birthdays. The day before our birthday a card would come in the mail with 4 quarters meticulously taped on the inside page of the card.  No matter how old we had gotten the endearing message that we were thought of and loved was PRICELESS!

AND if you are so inclined include 3 one dollar bills for Cadance to go have ice cream cones with her dad and brother Shane at McDonald's (honoring a tradition established by Cadance's Great Grandparents Robert Gary Dotson and the late Sylvia Anna Griffiths Dotson and continued by her current grandparents Chardale Dotson Irvine and Walter Irvine)



Thank you SO, SO much for your help! It means the world to us. We are fighting a very corrupt court system but we want the people in that system to know we are not going away. We love Cadance and want her to be part of our lives too. 
This is what they are trying to steal from Cadance: 



Post amputation surgery at 10 months at Shriners Hospital in Salt Lake City, Utah to prepare her leg to accept a prosthesis.
                    
This picture was taken that day after surgery for Cadence's post op follow-up.  Adam's visitation was in effect for the 3 days following surgery so he was the one who nursed her through the first stages of recovery from having her foot amputated.  There is a movie on my YouTube page that this pic was clipped from about that visit. 


Cadance loves playing with her big brother Shane.  Shane turned 13 a couple of weeks ago and she is missed that celebration too.

This is Adam holding his 3 month old son Shane while stationed at Point Mugu, CA while in the US Navy.  Point Mugu is just north of Malibu on the coast of California and just west of Oxnard and Camarillo.  Shane's mom gave birth to him in a Oxnard, CA hospital in early October 2001 just a few weeks after 9/11.  Adam was on his assigned aircraft carrier, the now decommisioned USS Constellation on 9/11.  The ship was on its "Tiger Cruise" leg between Hawaii and San Diego when the US was attacked.  A "Tiger Cruise" was the last leg of a ships journey where one member of the sailor's family would be allowed onboard for a few days.  Adam's dad Kelly was on the Constellation on that Tiger Cruise.  The Constellation was held on open sea for an extra week while the threat was evaluated.  Adam made it home just two weeks prior to Shane's birth. Tiger Cruises are a thing of the past now, as are open military bases.


Image of the USS Constellation Aircraft Carrier anchored in port at Sydney, Australia.  The Constellation has since been decommissioned.

Following is a video of what Adam Mackley many times a day, in daylight and darkness, for up to 18 hours a day.  He was one of the guys in the White Shirts.  Those shimmery, spinney things are huge fpropellers and the whiteshirts' hand hold upon launch is two finger holes in the deck.  It is a REALLY good thing this mom did not see this while he was active duty. Adam sustained a permanent hip injury from his military service and is an Honorably Discharged Disabled Navy Veteran of the Gulf War.




Image of the decommissioning ceremony of the USS Constellation, the last of the diesel aircraft carriers.

I'm know that Cadance needs to know these things about her brave dad - who fought honorably for this country and will carry the scars of that sacred patriotic duty with him for life.  The Utah Courts are trying to dismantle his paternity rights to be Cadance's father and Cadance's rights to know her father, just as the US Navy dismantled the USS Constellation.  Adam wore the uniform proudly to fight for our rights, the VERY rights that the Utah Courts are systematically and fraudulently stripped from him at this very moment.

Please make sure to forward this post to veterans, families of veterans and anyone with any sort of appreciation of the sacrifices our troops make for us.  Four birthday cards is all it takes to steam roll a paradigm shift with LOVE.

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

Peace be with you and all that jazz!


This post may be shared and republished in the furtherance of Adam Mackley's case, veteran recognition and equal parenting rights.  All other rights reserved.  Chardale Irvine - 2013-2014








Thursday, September 5, 2013

What Basil Is To Pain and Pharma

As many of you know I have spent the last two years methodically trying to extricate myself from my dependence on pharmaceutical medicine. At this point I'm at about the 50% removed mark. With so many co-occurring health problems I've needed to go slowly and really study and pay attention to the effectiveness of the natural remedies I've tried. 

And then I happened on sweet basil. Not because I had read in advance that it would be so beneficial to me but rather because it was growing out of control in my garden here in Florida. 

I put it in every single thing possible in cooking to the point that I was like 'Uh a little heavy on the basil, girl' and then 'Ugh not basil AGAIN!'. I just felt SO bad letting it go to waste. Even drying it made me feel bad because those succulent, fragrant leaves just seemed to be bursting with Something really, really good. I just didn't know what.

And then I stumbled on an article that described the medicinal benefits of basil and I read that modern NSAID anti-inflammatories were designed to block the same pain pathways as - you guessed it - basil. 

While I have it fresh I am chewing on the   leaves. I've also made a tincture out if dried basil and vodka and an essential oil base if basil and extra virgin olive oil. 

The tincture is taken orally - a teaspoon under the tongue every few hours and the oil is massaged into the painful area on the skin. 

I will continue to dry my abundant basil harvest while the Florida weather makes me look like an expert in growing basil in my Back To Eden/Biochar garden. If you check out this lengthy article you will see that I am a basil novice in every sense of the word and that I have many personal discoveries with basil yet to come. http://humaneliving.wordpress.com/2013/05/01/basking-in-the-glory-of-basil/

Saturday, August 17, 2013

When The Caregiver Is Sick Too: Living the "In Sickness" Marriage Vows

When my husband and I married a little over 10 years ago I was on disability for a back injury,
ME/CFIDS/Fibromyalgia and had been for 7 years. My husband married me knowing whatever he could really “know” in the short time we were dating, but he chose to ask me to marry him and I accepted. We both had been divorced and not married for 13 years at the time. He had been in several serious relationships. I had been in just one. Either way…there we were married and I discovered that being examined when I am at my sickest was very, very difficult for the first couple of years. I had kept that pain and struggle behind closed doors all those years, so having someone see what actually happened to me when my illness took a downturn was hard for me to adjust to. I did finally begin to allow him in to nurture and comfort me when I was at my extremes, but only after 3 years of being married. And by the 7th year his status as my caregiver was firmly in place.

He worked fulltime so I had all day alone on weekdays to regroup and retreat. We each had our own car so I was able to drive anywhere I needed or wanted to go. I’m not going to say I didn’t struggle but his contribution to helping me when I was at my sickest did help me and also firmly cemented those feelings of love, gratitude and respect for him deep in my heart.

And then it happened. An RV accident, where we rolled our motor home into back of our Prius on a steep hill in near the Oregon coast.  He was just stepping out the side door when I yelled that we were rolling.  In an act of pure panic and ridiculousness I tried to stop the rolling Beast by handing onto the sideview mirror.  That of course didn't work.  Walt quickly turned and jumped back in to try to get to the brake to stop the rolling behemoth but he didn't make it in time.  As the front of the motorhome smashed into the back of the Prius he was standing up with his foot almost to the brake.  He suffered severe whiplash and neck trauma from the impact, which resulted in surgery to put two artificial disks in his neck.

This, in addition to the stress that our abrupt move to fulltime life on the road, coupled with an exacerbation of my illness (also related to stress), triggered an auto-immune illness for him too.  The same diagnosis as I have Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome (CFIDS).  My illness has never been acknowleged by the medical community to be contagious but it is actually quite common for more than one person in a family unit to have the illness.

The trauma from the accident and his fight to stay healthy and awake would eventually lead to him needing to retire on disability. He lost his lucrative computer programming job and now is severely compromised due to his illness and pain. I also suffered a severe and slow healing knee injury just as he was transitioning from working and our car was reposessed.  We had tried every way we could think of to refinance or sell the remaining Prius but we were upside down on the payoff so we had to let it go.  We were without wheels for almost two months.

 He has struggled, as I did and actually still do - even after 18 years, with the withdrawals of not being able to work.  This process is not for the weak hearted as we have both found our very identify and self worth tied inextricably tied to our work.  His challenges with fear and anger have been exquisitely hard on our marriage and the organization and clean factors in our household.  His self worth had so plummeted that he applied an almost daily attempt to sabotauge the marriage.  Because I had been through what he is going through I was able to see these attempts for what they were - an attempt at a geographical/relationship cure for the pain.  For the last 18 months I have carried our marriage by myself.  That has been a heavy weight.  My ability to carry it was not complete or perfect but somehow we seem to have made it through the toughest part.

In addition to his illness I went through menopause, lost my mother to a stroke, tore my superior quad tendon on my right knee - rare and slow to heal injury.  And my CFIDS didn't go anywhere - except for worsening.

We do okay with the basics when one or the other is having a good day. But if both of us are down for more than one day the management of our empty nester life falls apart. I describe it as feeling like we are walking along, walking along, whistling – things are good. Things are okay. And then I randomly fall in hole which I then have to “choose” to climb out of. And the climbing out again and again is excruciating.  That is my process.  I'm able to be more cognitive about it because I've been going through that process repeatedly for 18 years.  Deciding to climb out of the hole is much easier now that there is general recognition that I have a physical illness rather than the previous belief that it was all in my head.

I’m excruciatingly sad for my husband that he is SO ill. I would not wish this illness on my worst enemy and yet here the man I love beyond measure has somehow acquired it as well. And I’m sad I can’t be consistent to help care for him when he’s not doing well, the way he was able to help me for all those years. Or likewise. I’m on my own mostly with my own illness now. The bills, meals, the yard, cleaning - it all just stops in its tracks when we are both sick and when we raise our heads up out of the goo – the house is in piles and shambles. So we have to literally “dig out” to get things back to a functional order.

Three things we have learned that might help people who are facing these same challenges:
1) When you’re sick or not feeling well communicate with your partner about exactly how you're feeling. Don’t expect them to read your mind and don’t take it for granted they will be there. If they are feeling well enough they will be there for you, but otherwise, not so much.
2) Take care of yourself. Manage your illness in a responsible, adult way.  It is especially important to avoid taking advantage of your partner's support and to avoid playing the victim role. And if you take any meds that affect your mood, clarity, memory, etc then retreat while they are working and let your partner know that you are retreating and why.
3) Being this sick causes SO, SO much loss and emotional pain in addition to the physical part.  This will trigger feelings of fear and anger. It is hard to get some space from your partner when you are both sick but they are not the “cause” and they need you to work on your fear and anger with a neutral person so that you can each be in your living space together to recuperate.  It is very easy to project these feelings onto your partner even if they aren't the source, just because they are near.  Unexamined fear can lead to mean spiritued actions and anger projected at the your partner just adds to both of your illnesses.

I will mostly likely be writing more on this subject just because there seems to be so little support in place for people in their 50′s.  We are in the no-man's land of support.

Today we will be paying a young man to come over and help us put mulch down.  He mows the lawn when I am not up to it.  We are counting our pennies so we have to prioritize what we have him do.

Feeling SO, SO grateful for my husband today.

Thanks for stopping by!

Peace be with you and all that jazz.


Copyright (c) – 2013 – Chardale Irvine. All rights reserved.
 

Saturday, August 3, 2013

Why I Always Click It - A Seatbelt Parable

Years ago, when I was living in Ogden Utah, married to my first husband with three toddlers, our lives and perspective on seat belts would change one day with a knock on the door.

I opened the door to find two of our friends standing there, a couple married just a few years. They were two people blessed with beauty - a mix of ski bum and beach bum - blonde, blue eyed - model types.

It was odd to find them at our door. We'd known them socially, as we travelled in the same circles, but they had never been to the house. But there they were - so I asked them in.

They were quick to let us know they were on a "crusade' to talk to people about seat belts. Nine months earlier they had been driving home at night after a movie. It was dark. They were in their neighborhood so were going about 25 miles per hour when the car hit a manhole that the city workers had failed to put the cover back. It was like hitting a solid brick wall.

Neither was wearing seatbelts and both had their faces thrown into the dash causing major facial damage.

Nine months later they stood there. After multiple surgeries they were back in life. She was nearly finished but he faced multiple other surgeries to piece his facial structure back together.

And they just wanted to remind their friends of how crucial the simple act of clicking that seatbelt can be.

It was a turning point. No more trips were ever taken without a seatbelt.

Here is an even better and more current illustration of this concept:


I've heard recently that seatbelt usage is up to 80% now.  This is amazing! And yet I still run into people who are adamant about not using them and insistent on explaining why. And then I gently tell them my story.  I don't know if it ever changed anything for anyone other than myself and my family but I still feel a need to tell it sometimes, humbly and with gratitude because really, regarding my Odgen friends' experience, there but for the grace of God go I.

Peace be with you and all that jazz!


Copyright (c) 2013 - Chardale Irvine. All rights reserved.

Saturday, July 6, 2013

The Remedy for Vertigo That You Won't Believe!

My CFIDS and Allergist doctor, Dr. Dantini in Ormand Beach FL used to work with the space program at NASA.

I was in his office one day complaining of having vertigo after being bedridden with pneumonia for 3 1/2 weeks.  He nonchalantly told me a story which I thought was a line of bolony but here is what he said:  He said no astronaut walks off their space vehicle after landing, no matter how short the trip into space was, because during that time the brain loses track of were the floor is and finding the floor is the brain's full time job in all positions except lying down.

He told me to lie down and stand up again at a minimum of 6 times and a maxiumum of 20 times.  This simple movement will re-program your brain to remember where the floor is.  I was the biggest critic but I tried it because I DID NOT want to be on the pharma meds.  And after 8 times of lying down and standing up the vertigo was gone and has not been back since.

I have passed these crazy sounding advice on to many other people at this time and have yet to find someone tell me that it just didn't work for them.  Pretty cool huh?  Yay and cudos out to Dr. Daniel Dantini, ENT/Allergist, Ormand Beach.

This information was not meant to be medical advice.  I am not a doctor.  I am only sharing what has worked for me.  Good luck and peace be with you and all the jazz!!

Friday, June 21, 2013

How The Dog Pack Works for Queen Char and Bruno



A funny story about Bruno - our 5 1/2 lb yorkie/Pom/hairless Chinese crested dog. His purpose on earth is to protect and heal me right? Well every morning as we wake up the pack order resets to Me, Bruno, Walt (my husband) in Bruno's mind. Walt has his routine pack submission things he automatically does to move up to being number two in the pack. And Bruno quietly slips into third place for.that.day.only.

Well we have a friend New Amanda staying with us and Bruno is rebelling and beyond humiliated that she gets his chair and that he somehow has to be number four. I had to do some serious dog whisperer on him tonight to get him to even act on my commands. But I told New Amanda - in the morning it resets!

Here is the 'Look' - What do YOU think he's saying?

Friday, June 14, 2013

What Is Up With Lizards and Lawn Furniture?

If you've followed my story at all you know that we lived full time in a 34 foot motor home for 3 1/2 years and then moved into a house in Florida 8 months ago and then to ANOTHER house in Florida 1 month ago.  I'm getting progressively worse at moving as it happens - I'm so disorganized and feel like I don't want to spend the little bit of time that I get feeling good organizing stuff that I've grown very detached to over that last several years.  Among this "stuff" we have 4 pieces of patio or lawn furniture, camp chairs - whatev.

When we left Denver these chairs were in pristine condition.  They saw the light of day a couple of times a year when we were camping or went to a concert in the park.  We have two Coleman foldup chairs and two Sports Authority Alpine brand zero gravity loungers that we call the "Big Ass Chairs".

The Coleman chairs had - and notice I say HAD - a little foldout table on the side with a cupholder in it.  The Alpine Big Ass Chairs were - and notice how I say WERE - strung with a stretch bungie type string.  This furniture stayed pristine from Bend, to Las Vegas, to Phoenix but it started a serious decline in Dallas in the summer of 2011 where it faced temperatures over 100 degrees for over 90 days with no rain.  The hottest summer on record in Dallas and the worst drought in history.  It was devastating for Texas and for our lawn furniture.

Up until we moved to Florida, in the RV, in the fall of 2011 we thought that the lawn furniture was for us - I guess really anywhere else in the United States when you have lawn furniture is IS for the people.  The lizards in Florida though did not get that memo.  They got the memo that said that lawn furniture is the exclusive domain of horny little reptiles.

These are not big lizards - from 2 inches to 4 inches maybe.  They LOVE lawn furniture. And it doesn't matter if you're a gecko or an anole - apparently they have a corrupt lizard real estate agent selling them the deeds to our lawn furniture.  And they don't just sleep there.  They fight there; court there; do the hanky panky there; and of course hide there.

And that brings up a funny story - and I'm throwing Norgin under the bus here for the sake of a laugh.

When we were getting ready to move from the RV to the house in New Smyrna Beach we had no furniture here.  Everything "house" oriented was back in climatized storage in Aurora, CO. So we set up first with our lawn/patio furniture.  We had the above listed chairs plus a small, glass topped patio table. 

I had Norgin, a client of our neighbor Chuck, come to help me.  He loaded the furniture into the back of the Prius and we took off from Sanford to New Smyrna Beach, a 30 minute trip.  Between the RV Park and Walmart in NSB three lizards made their way onto the dash while we were driving.  Norgin bravely and calmly handled getting them off the dash and out the window.

I know, I know...it's heartbreaking to think of the gecko going "Heyyyyyyyyy!!!!!" as he flies away but dang I purposely and shook and tapped those chairs prior to them going into the car and those little buggers chose to stay inside.

So we pull up to Walmart, where my strategy was to buy clear storage boxes to put stuff in from the RV in the house.  Remember, we had NO furniture.  So I open up the hatch on the Prius and Norgin reaches in to move the chairs to make room for the boxes and a lizard JUMPS onto his shirt!

He was screaming like a little girl, running around and slapping himself like a crazy man and I was laughing so hard I almost peed myself!  But I was SO apologetic too but laughing my ass off, so it really, probably didn't seem all that sincere.

Norgin is a sweetheart and I would never purposely embarrass him but Oh My Gosh this was funny.  I would have done the same exact thing but I would have sworn like an old sailor.  Norgin kept it to little girl screams so I know he's going ahead of me in the line to heaven.

So here is a little video of the lizard who has taken up residence on the big ass chair in the screen room.  Just prior to this he was bobbing his head up and down and making his red throat balloon out, which is a mating ritual.  He stayed right in this place for over 12 hours yesterday but today was nowhere to be seen.


And if you are of the curious type then you can click here and check out this site with lots of information about Florida Lizards

The lizards are our friends.  We welcome them with open arms because they are our best defense against fleas and no-see-ums.  So welcome home little dudes...welcome home.

Peace be with you and all that jazz....!


Copyright (c) 2013 - Chardale Irvine - All rights reserved.

Tuesday, June 11, 2013

Hi Judge Davis. My name is Cadence. Please give me back my dad Adam Mackley

Update as of 6/15/2013 - No action was taken at court on the 16th.  Adam still has no access or recognition of his rights as Cadence's father.  He has ZERO contact.  He can't check on her well-being.  She will not be with him on his second Father's Day as his daughter.  Unless there is a miracle today.  We can hope and pray right? That her mom Adrienne Barney will see how important that is.  That she can open her mind to the healing that she herself will feel if she does that.  Living a lie kills the soul Adrienne.  It will kill yours and will kill Cadence's.

Please sign our petition to encourage the State to give Adam Mackley back his parental rights Give Cadence Her Daddy Adam Mackley back.

It is pretty simple really  This little girl needs her dad.






Pray for a change of heart.  Court is today at 3 pm mountain time in Provo, Utah at the courthouse.

Please sign our petition at: Give Cadence Her Daddy Adam Mackley back.

You may publish or forward this to anyone who might help bring Cadence back.  We love you Cadence and we miss you SO much!  Love Grandma Char and Grandpa Walt.

Thank you.

Friday, June 7, 2013

I Have This Problem: Getting Stuffed Up When I Lie Down

And the solution?! It's so simple it is bizarre. Two ways I've found to deal with this:

1 - Stand up and pinch your nose closed. Keeping your mouth closed bend over and straighten up. Keep doing this holding your breath. You will feel pressure building in your head. Stop when you can't hold your breath any longer. Your nasal passages will now be open.

I did not discover this. The Russians did.

2. Another thing I do is to pop a strong breath mint in my mouth right before I lie down. The peppermint keeps my reactive nasal passages open too.

Thanks for stopping in! Please visit this petition site and sign the petition to help my son get his daughter back: http://www.change.org/petitions/restore-adam-mackley-s-constitutional-rights-let-him-be-cadence-s-father

Thank you!!

Peace be with you and all that jazz!

Copyright (c) Chardale Irvine 2013 - All Rights Reserved

Thursday, June 6, 2013

The Accidental Advocate

That is me.  The Accidental Advocate.  For a variety of reasons I find myself advocating for surprising groups and perspectives.  There seem to be so many ideas and messages that need a voice and a forum.  I stumble into them all the time and being the curious person that I am I usually have to do some investigation to find out what is behind this new idea (new to me, that is) and to figure out just why I haven't heard about it or thought about it already.

Of course I advocate for CFIDS/ME research - because I have this illness.  Of course I advocate for the reform of the medical system - because I struggle with it daily.  But do you know that there is a crosswalk in Aurora that is only there because I birddogged the city until they put traffic control in on a busy street near an elementary school?

I'm not a sign carrying protester usually but I sure can write a mean letter.  And blog....I guess too:)  So, here  I am, after a three month hiatus, getting back on the blogging horse, so to speak.  And my first plug will be for Father's Rights and Equal Parenting.

As of today it has been 90 days since my son, Adam Mackley, has seen his daughter Cadence.  It has been that long since I've talked to her on FaceTime as well.  On May 16th the 4th District Court gave parenting rights to Cadence's mom's husband Colton and took Adam's rights away - without cause.  It was a decision made on "legislative intent" by Judge Lynn Davis - who basically rubberstamped over a year's worth of biased court action by his underling Commissioner Thomas Patton.  These two men knowingly and with purpose, robbed my son of his constitutional right to be a parent.  We are circulating a petition to tell the judge that this decision needs to be reversed.  Please go to Change.org Petition to sign and show your support.

And as I plug for my son and my granddaughter I do so for all the fathers fighting for equal parenting in Utah.  It turns out there are many facing this bias.  Fathers turned into paupers as they pour all of their resources into paying legal fees to attempt to have ANY involvement with their children.  That energy and those resources could be put to SO much better use by having it focused on raising their children well.

Last week the Supreme Court granted custody to a biological father whose child was put up for adoption in Utah without his knowledge.  The State has been notified that it can no longer ignore the rights of biological fathers with impunity.

We are hoping and praying that Cadence is safe but we have no way to check. Her mom has struggled to make good decisions about her medical care and we are worried about that.  We just want our little girl back in her Daddy's arms.

We have not forgotten about you Cadence.  Love, Grandma Char


Monday, February 25, 2013

You Can't Go Home

As our transition from RV to house becomes almost complete I am starkly reminded of the fact that the friends who we left in Denver when we went on the road are not the same people now. I'm not even sure if we can even call them friends now. We certainly cannot rely on them as our support system now.

There is such a sense of loss with that and even more of an awareness of just how alone we really are now. It's a stark example of true existential loneliness.

Walt is flying back to Florida from Denver tonight where he went to oversee the splitting up of our stuff that has been in storage the whole three and a half years we have been on the road. Our 'house contents' basically under lock and key waiting for the next phase.

Less than half of what was in the storage will make the trip to Florida. We did a crowdfunding call and collected enough money to only pay for 350 cubic feet. We had over 900 cubic feet of stuff. The whole letting go of attachments was draining but also freeing. We are so grateful to the people who donated - it couldn't have happened without your help.

There is sadness as we close the door on calling Colorado home. Of our old friends only one could free themselves up to help or connect with Walt. The person that helped was one of our 'newer' Denver friends. The 'old' friends were nowhere to be found.

I was very angry about this and was expressing that to my dad when he said. 'They are not the same people now as when you left. You can't go home. Home isn't there anymore'.

I had thought of 85 different lectures and confrontations I would have with these friends. But alas, after my dad's sage observation I understand I have to let them go.

My kids and grandkids are still there. It's IS their home. They showed up to help and were amazing! It is no longer my home. And as the true gypsy I realize that home is where I am at the moment. I am here now in Florida. I did not come here to break connections and strands but that is a side effect. I came here because of my health and my husband's health.

I planted zuchinni in the ground outside last week. It is a metaphor for the planting that is taking place for us now in this new place. I still do not have any sense or feeling that I will actually be here to harvest them.

I realize too that maybe I have nothing my old friends need anymore. I can't teach them how to live and thrive in the same, familiar place. I can't teach them a way to signal it's time to clean the fridge because I only do that when I move. I do have a guest room near the beach so I hope they will find their way to us here.

46 moves for me and 30 something for Walt makes us outcasts and on the fringe. It is lonely but there IS a sense of freedom about it. With strands and most old attachments broken it leaves me and us open to new things. That's scary and I know because we have faced that fear over and over we may be the craziest yet most courageous people I know.

This is Walt's rental car outside of his the La Quinta Hotel in Aurora, CO on Sunday morning, February 24, 2013.


This is the view from Bruno's new PetSmart in Daytona Beach, FL after a heavy downpour on February 25, 2013. In the distance is the Daytona 500 Speedway where Danica Patrick set multiple new records for "firsts" for women in racing during Opening Day racing the day before.  From here I drove 14 miles south to New Smyrna Beach, where we live at 4:30 pm on a Monday on I-95. 

 
Peace be with you and all that jazz.....
 
For the latest update and status on how thing are going with Adam and Cadence check out the latest post at Keep Adam & Cadence Together crowdfunding
 
 
Copyright (c) 2013. Chardale Irvine.  All rights reserved.

Friday, February 8, 2013

A Little Girl and Her Daddy Need Your Help

Check for the latest update on the status and progress at Keep Cadence and her Daddy (and Grandma) together
 
These two people need your help:  (to jump ahead click here:  Keep Cadence With Her Daddy
 
Meet Cadence
 
and her daddy Adam Mackley
 

Cadence is my 18 month old grandaughter.  She is the daughter of my son Adam Mackley who lives in Provo, Utah.

Adam is in the fight of his life trying to carve out his permanent parental rights as Cadence's biological dad in a state (Utah) that is completely biased toward protecting the "image" of the nuclear family by stripping the parental rights of fathers who aren't married to their child's mother.  In the state of Utah a man who IS married to the child's mother gets preference to have parental rights - even if the biological father WANTS to be involved in the child's life.  This is case law that is actively used by the state to strip father's of their parental rights and strips little children of their opportunity to have a healthy relationship with their father.

I have created a fundraising project to help Adam pay his attorney his retainer of $500.  It goes into detail about the situation.  Please take a moment to click here Keep Cadence With Her Daddy.  Adam is not fighting to take Cadence's mom's parental rights away.  He's just fighting to keep his own.  Can you help?  If you'd rather work directly with the attorney's office here is a link to their contact info:  Allen, Richards & Pace PC

BTW...a badass, well known and respected Defense Attorney - Randy Richards has agreed to represent Adam.  This is GREAT news but this is not a slam dunk.  The system is VERY biased and they have a battle ahead of them.  He is charging $500 for his retainer which is obviously much lower than normal but even that will be a challenge for Adam.  Anything you can do to help with that will be immensely helpful.  Here is a link to a prominent case he is currently working on:  RandyRichardsforMatthewStewart

Here is a picture of Adam when in the Navy holding his then 6 month old son Shane - Shane is Cadence's 11 year old half brother. 


And here is a picture of me hugging Shane a few years ago on one of his visits to see me when we lived in Aurora, CO.  If Cadence's mom is successful in her efforts to strip Adam of his parental rights I will never have an opportunity to hug Cadence like this.  My fear about that is deep and just the tip of the iceberg of how Adam must feel.  I'm worried about him.  And I'm very worried about her.


This is a complicated family situation where time to bond and connect, to teach and influence, are limited.  A legal intervention that creates even MORE difficulty and decreases that time creates longterm and irrepairable damage.  Adam is exquisitely aware of these limitations but embraces them as part of his challenge.  But as my dad posted on Facebook today: "The one big mistake I made in my life turned out not to be a mistake."  Cadence was created in the traditional way but came into the world to a very non-traditional setting.  She does have two parents who love her in that crazy, 'fight to the death' way that some parents are blessed with and that is GOOD because she is going to need that and THEM both.

Cadence was born with 'leg issues'.  Her short little life has been peppered with painful casting and surgery.  Her ortho needs are being provided by the Shriners Hospital in SLC which is fabulous but Adam has had no say in her care, treatment and strategy.  The mom and hospital are not required to notify him of appointments and surgeries.  Several months ago Cadence had her left foot amputated to prepare for prosthesis.  Adam had to GUESS when the surgery was.  He had to struggle to be allowed to be in the hospital with her.  He is fighting to have a say in her medical care as well.

When you sit down with your child today and have an open, unhindered conversation or a hug with no expected beginning or end with them please notice it.  Please understand what a gift it is to have noone challenging your right to be with that child that has your blood coursing through their veins.  And please try to think about what it would feel like if that were threatened and questioned every day.  Would it turn you into a crazed, feral like mama, daddy or grandparent?  Would you lose your composure and sense of decorum during that challenge?  Would you fight back?  You bet your life you would.  You can help.

Keep Cadence with her Daddy



Peace be with you and all the jazz......