Friday, September 19, 2014

Putting Music To My Anger

Leave it to my deep subconscious to pick a song, and I love to sing, to attach the feelings to from my struggles with my health due to the neuro immune illness MEcfs and my son Adam Mackley's struggle to get his legal paternity recognized in Utah to get my granddaughter Cadance back, that has notes I will NEVER be able to hit.  (The was the world's longest sentence EVER)

Starting mid December of 2013, while very ill and destroyed from a trip I made to Utah to help ensure Adam's case could be appealed, this randomly selected song would bring me from a deep sleep and wake me with an ever louder shout of 'Natalie'. I would be hearing 'Natalie' screamed in rage by Bruno Mars from the inside out. It wouldn't stop til I got up and badly sang some bars & danced a bit of a jig. I know it's a fanciful fantasy but I imagine myself to be dancing just as energetically and rhythmically as his backup and band. (Hey! It's the ME version of dancing so back up there;)

Here's the YouTube video of my favorite performance of Bruno Mars performing 'Natalie'.

The truth is I would put my rage about my illness and the horrific neglect and treatment by the medical profession, governments and society I've received, to this music if I could! And my nog on advocacy for the rights of birth fathers. There's a selfish piece there: that's my granddaughter Cadance they stole. I want and long for her to get back to us before my illness takes me out. 

Putting rage to music. Awesome.

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ME Audio To Natalie 9.14.m4a

So my technology challenges are keeping you from hearing my badly sung version I've retitled simple: M.E. It might be a gift actually:)

As I listened to the song today I keyed in on the ominous percussion and angry voice - so angry that when you sing about what you would do if you got your hands on the source of your anger the only way you can describe what you would do is sing 'Woooo' in a high pitch. And it's funny because that is the one hard note I CAN hit.

So I will keep listening to this song until it's work is done. And thank you Bruno Mars. 

PS. If this post seems familiar it's because I've written about this before. So will either seem like I'm further along in my journey to express my anger in a healthy way or I will be seen as obsessed with Bruno Mars. We will see how this goes;)

Peace be with you and all that jazz!

Copyright (c) Chardale Irvine - 2014. All rights reserved. 

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