Monday, November 26, 2012

Stepping Off A Cliff of Hope

Be sure to click on Stepping-Off-A-Cliff-Into-Hope to get the rest of the story!

Much, much has happened over the last month.  Our lives are taking significant turn as we finally accept the reality that Walt is no longer able to work and will go on full disability shortly.  He has been on partial disability for several months trying to get a handle on his illness and injuries. He has been valiantly working with rehab, doctors and nutritionists to heal but things are just getting worse.

Because of his waning work hours our income has been steadily dropping and we finally reached the point where we knew we had to get out of the motor home and into a rental house in a community that allowed us both to continue accessing the medical care we have arranged.  We went house hunting in New Smyrna Beach because my CFIDS doctor had suggested that I be near the ocean as much as possible because of my asthma and lung disorder.  We found the most amazing little house on the first day. 

I had imagined moving into a yellow, clapboard house but the two houses we saw that were in our price range were white and blue/green.  We immediately fell in love with the blue/green house, which is 3 bedrooms, 2 baths. Nice hardwood and tile floors but in need of some paint and for real, a partial white picket fence. It is two blocks from the intercoastal waterway and 2.4 miles from the beach on the Atlantic Ocean. And I get to have my washer and dryer again! Oh and best of all:  the landlord said I can paint the outside doors pink JUST like the house I picked out in the canvas town of Dotsonville when I was four!

I signed the lease two days later.  Luckily there is plenty of room to park the motor home in the back yard.

Here it is:

There is a little mother-in-law apartment in the back, which was occupied when we moved in, but became vacant two weeks later.  The landlord offered it to us so we picked it up too, with the intent of renting it out as a vacation rental.  We have plans for this too:

I tore my right quad tendon on the third day we were moving stuff in.  We weren't even IN the house yet and I did that.  I'm not going to tell you what I was helping someone carry but needless to say that will be the last time I rest something heavy on my thigh, while repositioning my hands for a better grip.  This is where I ended up - the Bert Fish Medical Center ER. 

Two weeks post surgery I moved from a splint brace where I could not bend my knee to a progressive locking brace that allows for an inch and a half of bend.  The bandage is a sheet of some kind of plastic coated in Betadine covering the four inch incision.  I never have to change it and can shower with it uncovered. Miracle stuff.

And as the month progressed the reality of our shrinking financial base and with Walt facing one of the biggest and hardest transitions in his life we got ready to let the Prius go back to the bank because we had gotten so far behind on the payments and the concept of trying to get the MIL apartment ready to rent with no money, a broken knee and a very ill husband, we decided to ask for help.  And all of our "house" stuff sits in storage back in Colorado.

A plan formed in my mind as I lay awake most of last night, trying to figure out how to approach this dilemma.  We both have felt like the path that led to being in this exact place played out too smoothly to be anything other than a fairly grand design - of God?  Spirit?  The Universe?  I don't know - I just know it is a force greater than myself, of ourselves, that brought us here.  This is the moment to trust, have faith and take whatever action we are capable of.  It always feels just like stepping off a cliff to me.

After carefully budgeting and strategizing...we put up a GoFundMe donation page asking for help from our family and friends.  The response was immediate of support and empathy!  There was so much fear and vulnerability that went into embracing the idea of doing that and then actually publishing it.  I've explained the process much better on the GoFundMe site. Here is the link to check it out:  Stepping-Off-A-Cliff-Into-Hope  Anything you can do...even just a prayer is much appreciated.
The "curious journey" continues.  A soon to be published post will discuss the challenges of staying married when both people are very ill and how to find joy in every single day even when you feel like crap.  Until then:

Peace be with you and all that jazz....

Thank you,
Char & Walt Irvine
Copyright (c) 2012 - Chardale Irvine.  All rights reserved.


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